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Sunday, March 27, 2016

I got pregnant to have a baby....

Recently I have been seeing more and more people announcing they are pregnant, which naturally brings out the frustration of more and more people who are experiencing the unfortunate trial of infertility.


I cannot possibly imagine what it might be like to take test after test and that big fat negative staring you in the face, like its mocking you. The feeling of "this is the month" only to be disappointed again. Feeling like a failure because all your friends can have babies, what's wrong with me? OR the feeling I am well aware of... being so excited that you finally got a positive! Only to go to the doctor and hear the stomach wrenching sound of the silent, lifeless ultrasound... no heart beat, being told the baby is there, but the heart has stopped. The baby is gone. Seeing the sweet baby, still in the sack, exactly as you see in pictures on the internet, and knowing that the baby that was there, is now gone. But to experience that heartbreak over and over is a feeling I can never imagine. I feel for these women, I know the struggle is real, the pain is physical, and the disappointment is like nothing else.


I also know the struggle of a difficult, but successful, pregnancy. I know my pregnancies are not the worst. I know some mothers have much more difficult experiences them I do. But I know for me, pregnancy is HARD, painful, and quite honestly, miserable the majority of the time! BUT that does not mean I do not love my children, that does not mean that I am ungrateful that I get to be pregnant, and have happy, healthy children.  


I think it is safe to say that most the time, when a woman "complains about pregnancy" she is not complaining because she is having a child, its not because she is mad she got pregnant, or that she does not want the child. Its because planned or unplanned, pregnancy is hard! It takes a different toll on everyone's bodies. Some are hospitalized, put on bed rest, some are experience incredible emotional challenges, some experience intense physical pain that does not go away, EVER. Some cannot eat, drink, smell or look at certain things without their lunch coming back up for a second, third or thirteenth time! And all of this is 100% out of our control.


As mothers, it's not that we want to get pregnant so we can be miserable. I don't even think those who are experiencing infertility want to get pregnant so they can be in pain. I've never heard someone say "I miss morning sickness", "I miss the terrible pain I was in" or even, "I cannot wait to be pregnant so I can spend 9 months completely uncomfortable". People don't get pregnant to experience the side effects of it. We all get pregnant for the same reason, to have a baby.


I would go through every day, minute, second of this painful journey again and again if that means I get my babies, but that's not why I get pregnant. When someone complains "about pregnancy" I think it is important to remember... they are not complaining because in a few short months they get to hold this incredible human that they created. They are not upset that they get to lay in bed at night and feel those little baby kicks inside their stomach. They are not mad that they have to be pregnant. Its not that they do not want the baby. They realize that "they could have prevented this", but that does not discount their feelings, or make their struggle of a difficult journey any less valid then the mother who prays for the same end result.


I'm happy that I get to be pregnant, I'm grateful I've experienced only one miscarriage. I'm grateful for my happy, healthy babies. But I didn't get pregnant to be in pain. I didn't choose to have difficult pregnancies, just like some women don't choose to experience infertility.


I think what is important for everyone to remember, is that regardless of your journey or your struggle, everyone struggles. Everyone has challenges and trials, and not one of them asked for that trial. We all need to be empathetic to each other. While you may not fully comprehend what another person is feeling or going through, realize that to them, in that moment, that challenge is as important to them, as your challenge is to you.  


You can do it if AshHas!!

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